But if your ultimate goal is to protect and nurture this beautiful thing that you’ve found, so that you can see where it might lead, it’s going to take a bit of self-restraint.
#Slow burn relationship full
It’s natural to want to plow full speed ahead when you’ve just met someone who lights up your world - maybe for the first time or for the first time in a long time. Could we touch base when I come back and I have a better idea of my schedule?’"īy offering up some strategically spaced out alternatives, you’ll keep your new relationship at a nice, manageable simmer before it gets to a full boil or goes fully cold. Are you around the following weekend?’" or, “‘Tuesday night's not good for me. To avoid this, Winter suggests a few easy fixes, such as: “‘I can't see you this weekend. Instead of slowing down your relationship, you might accidentally bring it to a screeching halt. The key to doing this diplomatically is to remember the golden rule: Whenever you take something away, you need to replace it with something else."Ĭanceling plans without a follow-up is an easy way to make your new love interest feel like they’re cruising along on the Ghost Town city limits. “This could include going out of town for a meeting, going home to see your family, or finishing up a big project at work. "External roadblocks are reasonable excuses for not being able to see each other as much as you'd like on a weekly basis,” Winter says.
#Slow burn relationship free
As long as you’re not shutting out your potential partner entirely, thereby coming off as disinterested or aloof, feel free to lean on your already full and active lifestyle to quell the flames of your newly burning romance. Radical honesty is great and all, but for those of us still working toward that level of emotional vulnerability with partners, slipping in some scheduling hurdles can be a useful tool for slowing down your relationship. If they take this information well, then you’re that much closer to finding someone worth moving forward with. Consider this a good litmus test to determine if your potential partner can respect your needs. "Who is going to contest the fact that you like them? As long as you're willing to continue to honestly share your emotions and the relationship is progressing forward, you should have no problem slowing down your mate," Winter continues. And it’s important to find someone who responds well to your clear boundaries and sense of self. That way, your new love interest will have less opportunity to take the slow pace personally and instead see it for what it is: a desire to actually get to know them instead of rushing into the relationship haphazardly. If you’re anything like me and your past relationships have hinged on the side of co-dependence, Winter suggests making the extra effort to move cautiously and deliberately in your dating life - and to make those needs clear from the very beginning. "Because you have positive feelings about 'who they are' at this point in knowing them, you want to ensure that your relationship has the greatest likelihood of moving forward in a healthy manner." "If you're the kind of person who's comfortable speaking your mind, you may want to tell your partner that your reason for slowing the pace is due to the fact that you like them," Winter says. If you want to take a relationship slow, taking the initiative to be honest about it will not only feel like a huge weight off your shoulders, but it will build trust between you and your potential new partner and show them early on the true depth of your character. Be HonestĪs with all things in life, Winter says that when it comes to relationships, honesty is the best policy - even if it feels really scary.
#Slow burn relationship how to
And meet Susan Winter, a New York City–based relationship expert who’s got the deets on how to take a relationship slow enough so that it develops healthfully - you know, the right way. They should be an enjoyable addition to your life - one that doesn't need to be developed at the speed of light in order to be maintained.
A partner isn't meant to satiate some deep hole inside of you that is desperate to be filled. Healthy relationships require fully developed, secure people who are in no rush to get anywhere, because they know good things take time.
Asking for time and independence when you start dating someone can sometimes be intimidating, and has the potential to make your partner feel unwanted or unappreciated - but there are ways around this. In the early days of dating someone new, boundaries are necessary, but they can be challenging to implement without seeming disinterested or freaked out. It's always been difficult for me to know how to take a relationship slow. Were those happy, healthy relationships? Nope. Come to think of it, I did the same thing with the boyfriend before that. My last ex and I became exclusive on our second date.
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